I noticed today that Surfline has posted a preview of the J-Bay ASP contest which is forthcoming, and it got me to thinking of all of the people who will not be surfing in the contest.  I should probably preface anything else that I write here by stating that J-Bay has always been my dream wave.  As a teenager, I covered my walls and locker with pictures of the right hand point break which I snipped from Surfer Magazine.  I should also state, that I am realistically ill-equipped to ride the place well, but hell, a guy can dream.  All of this said, I will tell you that the first person you will not see surfing J-Bay in this contest is me.

I can almost hear Kelly Slater breathing a sigh of relief. Can you imagine if he lost his chance at a 10th world title because I actually got a decent barrel?

The rest of the surfing world is aware that Joel Parkinson will not be surfing either.  While he had a more realistic chance of winning the thing than I did, there was something with stitches and a gash and blood.  Those pesky fins!  Stick around and surf long enough, and you too will get to know the pain.

While being a long shot to grab the podium, I must tell you that LeBron James will not be in the contest.  Yes, he has dominated sporting news in recent weeks, but there is serious speculation about his ability to swim.  This makes his choice to play for the Miami Heat questionable, but I am sure he could get some endorsement cash for wearing a rubber ducky inner tube while drinking a Red Bull pool side.  Come on LeBron, think outside of the box man!

I will also tell you that neither President Obama nor Tony Hayward will be able to make it to the famed venue.  While both would like the chance to destroy some waves by unleashing their energy on the helpless ocean there is some concern that the devastation they will spew may be too much.  They do both have a willing sponsor in BP however.

Other names that you will not see on the 32 man roster are as follows: Barbara Streisand, Elmo, Mr. T, Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Oprah Winfrey, Jim Carrey, Glen Beck and Betty White (although she is in the news a lot lately.)

Still, the contest stands to be a good one, and I am sure that I will spend hours mind surfing the waves like I did in high school.  This goes to prove the old axiom that the more things change, the more things stay the same.  

  1. mike says:

    Nice light article. Betty White changed her mind and will be there.

  2. mike says:

    The article should be title LeBron etc etc.

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