The Six-Word Ocean Project

Click the link above and take a moment to think about the ocean. Thanks!

Mr.T Drinks Milk Before He Surfs

I noticed today that Surfline has posted a preview of the J-Bay ASP contest which is forthcoming, and it got me to thinking of all of the people who will not be surfing in the contest.  I should probably preface anything else that I write here by stating that J-Bay has always been my dream wave.  As a teenager, I covered my walls and locker with pictures of the right hand point break which I snipped from Surfer Magazine.  I should also state, that I am realistically ill-equipped to ride the place well, but hell, a guy can dream.  All of this said, I will tell you that the first person you will not see surfing J-Bay in this contest is me.

I can almost hear Kelly Slater breathing a sigh of relief. Can you imagine if he lost his chance at a 10^th world title because I actually got a decent barrel?

The rest of the surfing world is aware that Joel Parkinson will not be surfing either.  While he had a more realistic chance of winning the thing than I did, there was something with stitches and a gash and blood.  Those pesky fins!  Stick around and surf long enough, and you too will get to know the pain.

While being a long shot to grab the podium, I must tell you that LeBron James will not be in the contest.  Yes, he has dominated sporting news in recent weeks, but there is serious speculation about his ability to swim.  This makes his choice to play for the Miami Heat questionable, but I am sure he could get some endorsement cash for wearing a rubber ducky inner tube while drinking a Red Bull pool side.  Come on LeBron, think outside of the box man!

I will also tell you that neither President Obama nor Tony Hayward will be able to make it to the famed venue.  While both would like the chance to destroy some waves by unleashing their energy on the helpless ocean there is some concern that the devastation they will spew may be too much.  They do both have a willing sponsor in BP however.

Other names that you will not see on the 32 man roster are as follows: Barbara Streisand, Elmo, Mr. T, Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Oprah Winfrey, Jim Carrey, Glen Beck and Betty White (although she is in the news a lot lately.)

Still, the contest stands to be a good one, and I am sure that I will spend hours mind surfing the waves like I did in high school.  This goes to prove the old axiom that the more things change, the more things stay the same.  

Waves, BP and UFOs…

The ocean is flat and has been for some time.  I was able to judge the actual lack of surf recently when I checked in on Dan’s blog Jersey Fresh about his hike on the Pacific Coast Trail and saw that he has been in the woods for 54 days.  In that time I have surfed on actual waves 3, maybe 4 times.

Reports say waves may be coming for the weekend though.  I am certain that no one with a board will be sitting this one out.  Like seagulls on a french fry…

Jay Alders checked in, and he is back from Brazil.  Currently, he is on his way to The Pit in the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  He will be back in Jersey for his solo exhibit at the Langosta Lounge on July 14th.  That is the same night that Donavon Frankenreiter is playing at the Stone Pony.  This promises to be a great night, and my wife and I will be in effect.

As a follow-up to my visit with Gene Wahl and Essence Surf, the blank is in the pipeline.  Shaping of the Quasar will begin soon and Dylan Jones finished the airbrush on his funshape.  I hope the completion of the Quasar coincides with the arrival of a tropical swell.  The ocean should be cranking out some named storms soon.

Jones' Hand Shaped Board

Speaking of coincidental occurences, we did note that the flat spell has aligned perfectly with the spill in the gulf.  One guy I spoke with recently, by the name of Crazy Bob, suggested that BP “may have shut the atmosphere off.”

When I suggested that this was not really possible he told me that “I did not understand extraterrestrial life forms and the existence of UFO’s.”  When pressed further he produced some questionable photographs and yelled until his front teeth fell out.  Bloddy gums aside, I think Crazy Bob may be on to something.

Come on BP… release the waves already!